


The Call

by parkrstark



Category: Castle
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 03:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2908244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I hope I didn't interrupt anything."</p><p>"You kinda did, bro, but I'm glad you called"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Call

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by Matt Kennon's _The Call_

Javier bit his lip to try and hold back the sobs that refused to stop. He wished they would stop because this is what he  wanted.  His choice was to leave. It was better than living this life. BUt why couldn’t his body just accept that?

Who knows what drove him to this point. Bad case after bad case? Going into work each day only to see another innocent life taken too soon? It didn’t help that at the end of the day that it all just brought him back to the war. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see were flashbacks of the war; his buddies slain only feet from him. And the countless number of foreign soldiers he must have killed along the way who were only doing the same as him; protect their country. If they all lost their lives then why did God let him keep his? He’d wish he could give it to someone who actually wanted it. Someone who would appreciate it for what it’s worth.

His friends would never forgive him and he’d break his mother’s heart, but once they read his note they’d understand that he just couldn’t live this life anymore. Kevin... oh God,  Javier didn’t even want to think about his reaction. He knew he’d just about kill his best friend by doing this. He was everything to him, and that was why he couldn’t stay and drag Kevin down with him. Over time, he’d move on and find someone who wouldn’t ruin his life.  Right?

Javier mumbled a quick prayer for Kevin to understand and not hate him too much or think this was somehow his fault.  It wasn’t, it really had nothing to do with Kevin.  And in his letter, he made sure to say that in a million different ways before he told him how much he loved him, but he deserved someone he could count on. 

He brushed the last of his tears off the crumpled paper and laid it on his desk before he picked up the gun ready to end it all. His finger was less than a second from pulling the trigger when his phone began to ring. 

His eyelids fluttered open and he looked to the ringing phone; Kevin Ryan was lighting up the screen. He swallowed deeply and decided that during his last moment on this earth, he wanted to spend it talking to him, so he picked up. 

He lifted the phone shakily up to his ear and was barely able to say, “Hey, Kev.” Without breaking down. 

Kevin’s boisterous voice filled the line and he almost regretted picking up.  Almost.  “Javier, bro, I’ve been trying to reach you all day. Where’ve you been?”

Javier looked down to his note remembering that his phone did go off multiple times during his writing, but he was so invested in his note he didn’t bother to even check who was trying to reach him, let alone pick it up. “Sorry, I was busy.” 

Kevin thankfully didn’t seem to notice the slight quiver in his voice, “Oh, okay. Well, I just wanted to call and tell you that Castle invited us to his house in the Hamptons over the weekend.”  Tell Castle ‘thanks’, but I won’t be able to make it. 

“Sounds fun.”

For the past month, Javier had been  so sure  about what he wanted, but the next words that Kevin said had him second guessing everything, “You better be there, Javi, it wouldn’t be the same without you.”

“What?” Javier choked out weakly as he let his hand holding the gun fall limply to his side. 

Kevin seemed confused, “You think I’d have any fun if you weren’t there? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Javi, but the sun don’t shine as bright when you’re away.” He ended with a laugh that was probably there so Javier got the understanding that he was joking around. “You okay, bro?” Kevin asked just to be sure.

“Yeah, Kevin.” He whispered, “I’m great.” And for the first time in months, he wasn’t lying.

“Awesome, so I’ll pick you up. And don’t forget Madden Night at my house tomorrow, you’re cooking this time.” He laughed and started to wrap up the conversation, “Alright, well, I’ll let you get to back to whatever you were up to. I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”

Javier smiled as a tear traveled around his upturned lip, “You kinda did, bro, but I’m glad you called. And Kevin?” 

“Yeah, Javi?” 

“Thanks. Thank you so much.” Javier closed his eyes again, but this time he wasn’t waiting for it to end. 

“No problem, bro.” Kevin hesitated for a moment before asking, “Are you sure you’re okay, man? You sound upset, do you want me to come over and I’ll be there in case you wanna talk.”

Javier nodded his head even though Kevin couldn't see it and breathed, “Yeah, I think I’d like that.” 

“Alright, see you soon, buddy. I’ll bring the beers.” Javier could already hear him getting his keys and rushing out the door no matter how calm he tried to have Javi believe he was. 

As Javier said, “See you soon.” He felt his heart fill with the warmth he hadn’t felt in a while. Man, how he missed it.

Once Kevin hung up, Javier let the gun fall from his hand and clatter to the ground as he let out a broken sob. A sob of relief. Relief that his best friend had called at that moment and reminded him how needed to stay. 

This time, he didn’t try to hold the sobs back. He let the tears fall as he put the gun away in his top drawer because he planned to not only live through this day, but the rest of his life as God had planned with his best friend right by his side.

* * *

 

**  
** _If someone you know, is waiting on your mind_   
_That needs a friend on the other end of the line_   
_Don't hesitate, what you say may seem so small_   
_But who knows, they might be, glad you called_   
  
_So make the call_

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember this whenever you are feeling upset; there are people who love you. We can beat this fight by staying strong together.


End file.
